When Change Begins at the New Year

These past three years have been trying for people all over the world. COVID altered the fabric of our very existence and changed the way we interact with others, approach our daily routines, conduct our work, travel, celebrate, and, ultimately, exist. These past three years have forced us to slow down and appreciate the important things in life like family, friends, togetherness, and connectivity, but they have also highlighted what little control we have over the world we live in. Depression rates have steadily increased; Anxiety disorders are being diagnosed at alarming rates; Mental health in an unstable world has posed a challenge to even the most resilient of us - and I am certainly no exception. I have always battled anxiety, which likely stems from my own bitter discomfort over feeling "out of control" - hate flying or drinking anyone? Similar concept! I have always tried to over-control my life to compensate. When anything takes place I can't immediately explain, I look for information to calm a racing mind. A sense of control through knowledge. A habit which would become my biggest aide through the five years of study it took to achieve one of my most significant goals - obtaining my PhD and becoming Dr. Pepper (the real one!) Let's be honest... If your last name is Pepper there is really only one logical career path ------>

Once the bustle of school ended I began to forge a career path in public service that is as challenging as it is fulfilling. And with the acquisition of my license a mere month ago, my academic endeavors were completed. Perhaps it was the abrupt cessation of my undivided attention towards reaching this final goal in my journey to become a Clinical Psychologist that jolted me into the reality that I was neglecting a huge chunk of my life outside of work and academia. For weeks leading up to the holidays something just felt...off. And, after some very intense personal reflection (which is never as fun as it sounds), I realized that with no more focus on studying, I was beginning to see the results of a significant lack of attention on other, just as important, things in my life like my own health and wellness. I was not excelling at finding that integral balance between a satisfying, lucrative career and a satisfying, fulfilling social and personal life. I guess balance has never quite been my thing (as my father would confirm)!

As the New Year approached I began to think about how I want to re-balance my life, and what my resolutions should look like. My first thought was to throw away all of my food and start from scratch giving up sugar, carbs, fats, taste, and sanity to lose a few pounds. Everyone's New Year goal right? Then I thought, maybe this is the year I'll write a book. I have an academic article under my belt now, and another publication would be great! Then I thought, well I should probably continue learning French because I've let that go by the wayside, and I'm going to be 35, and I don't feel I've accomplished enough, and should I be thinking about having kids soon, but I don't know if I want kids now, and I'm newly separated, and what about marriage, and then I just started screaming and getting really overwhelmed and anxious...

I actually ended up leaving a holiday celebration earlier than planned because I couldn't keep it together. Anxiety is incredibly fun if you can't tell! And then it hit me... ANXIETY. I'm a Clinical Psychologist for goodness' sake. This is literally what I do for a living (doctors, even academic ones, really do make the worst patients)! So I changed my outlook. I thought about how I would guide a patient going through similar trials and tribulations and went to work on making plans for the most stubborn, difficult client I would ever have to work with... Myself.

Over the next 365 days I am going to become my patient, and use what I know about Psychology to re-balance my life through food, exercise, travel, work, and a great deal of self-care, with this blog holding me accountable every step of the way. I know there will be ups, and I know there will be downs. There will be times I want to give up, and times my ambitions will get the better of me. But what is an adventure without a little turbulence along the way!

Thanks for joining the ride, and wishing you all a happy, healthy, mentally well New Year!

- Dr. Pepper